Atheism's looking pretty good right about now
by I C No Evil
Summary: This is a oneshot filled with friendship, love, betrayal, anger, hate, agnst you know, all that good shizz. eventual CeCexRocky RoCe/Cocky Rated T for cutting, languge, and attepmted suicide...enjoy!


**A/N: I've had a bit of writers block on my other shake it up fic, but I ended up gaining inspiration for a whole new fic. I think it came from the fact I'm about to come out to my friend. Was that to personal or did it make me sound deep? I would just start reading the story cause I'm just gonna end up rambling.**

**Disclaimer: Shake it up is not mine, cause if it was I doubt it would be on Disney...it would end up on Logo.**

* * *

><p>She left you. She's over there with Candy Cho. Your enemy. You used to know her, you thought you were friends. She looks at you disgustedly, as if you were dirt. She walks over to you, Candy and the others at her side. Seeing her in that cheerleader uniform turned you on, and off at the same time. Her brown eyes stare daggers into you, to the point you felt you could've died right there.<p>

"Quit looking at me like that you dyke." CeCe spat at you, angry. Candy and the other cheerleaders laugh. CeCe officially hates you. She left you like everyone else. All you have now is Ty. Even he hasn't been enough to comfort you, lately.

"Aww, are you gonna cry now?" Candy laughs. CeCe even chuckled along with her. It hurts so much you could cry. The conspiracy they built around you always made you cry.

"No, I have nothing to cry about." You try your best to stay strong. You never usually fight back. You hung onto the moments when she had told you she would always be there. She promised she would always be there. It was funny how a promise between friends could be broken so easily. Trust is something you could fix, like a mirrior.

But you can still see cracks in that mother fucker's reflection. You bet your ass that was a GaGa quote.

"I don't love you." CeCe said coldly. You can tell even Candy was feeling odd about all of this. She could see the unvisited tension. You're tired of hearing her words, so you kiss her. You kiss CeCe with everything. You even feel her kiss back, before she pushes you away.

"You kissed me back." You say, seeing Candy give CeCe an odd glance. CeCe slaps you. She just slapped you. Your cheek burns from the contact. You feel like crying now more then ever.

"I don't kiss freaks like you." She walks away, dragging Candy and the other cheer freaks with her. A tear even rolls down your cheek. She really has left you.

* * *

><p>You feel powerless. You feel alone. At home sitting on your bed, you feel a little safer. Why, why did you have to fall in love with her? And why, oh why won't your fucking heart shut up whenever she enters your mind?<p>

"CeCe, I love you." You whisper. It feels so right, yet it hurts so damn much. Your hearts beating faster. You hate her name, you hate her. No, you love everything about her. Even when she calls you dyke, or lesbo freak.

_"I don't love you."_ Her words ring through your ear. Your imagination runs wild, erasing the don't from that sentence. You know she was lying. You even kissed her. She kissed you back. You know she has to feel something...right?

You hear a knock on the door. You open it, seeing the very person who could make or break you. She has an angry look on her face, you even think you heard her mutter a curse word.

"I hate you." CeCe says, her voice like heaven. Yet it burns like hell. You look at her flabbergasted. Why would she even come here, hadn't she done enough?

"You kissed me ba-"

"I'm not gay, you caught me by suprise. I hate your guts, if you dropped dead I would laugh. Don't talk to me_** EVER**_ again, don't kiss me again. I just finished throwing up from the kiss you planted on me. So, stay out of my life and quit looking at me like some lovesick puppy." She stated coldly, everyword killing you. Her words hurt so much you could die. You start crying, and she just stares at you. You wish you could take everthing back, you wish you hadn't have told her you were gay. You wipe your tears, trying to stand your ground.

"Ok, I won't think about you anymore. I won't love you anymore. I'll stay out of your life." You state with no emotion. Every word hurts. You honestly just wanna die right now. She gives you a wavering look, almost as if she wanted to take it all back too. Its too late now, whats done is done.

"Well, bye." Your tears had stopped falling, as you wave at her. She gives you an odd look. Maybe she was even starting to pity you, maybe she wished she could take back what she said. But you know that thought was a lie.

"Rocky...bye." You cock your head. She hasn't called you by your name in a year. She walks away, any remorse on her face gone. She looked angry again. You shut the door slowly, before leaning against it. You saw her. You saw the old CeCe. But she's gone now. She wants you gone.

Standing up, you walk over to your closet. You grab a razor blade you kept for a time like this. You had thought about doing this before, which is why you had it stashed away in here. You stare at it, wondering if it would bring you peace. You wondered if you could just cut your problems away.

_"If you died, I'd laugh."_ Her words haunted you. It gives you the fuel to make your first cut. It stings so much, yet it feels so good. You end up making a cut for each insult she's given you today. You almost wish you could take a picture and show her. You wondered if she'd frame it. Then you remeber she doesn't want you around.

"Rocky, you ok?" Ty asks through the door. You quickly put the razor away, also grabing a jacket. Its best Ty doesn't know about this. Opening the door, Ty eyes you down oddly. You hoped that the blood wouldn't seep through the jacket, or flow down to your hand.

"I saw her leave out the window." Thats all he needed to say. He opened his arms wide, and you hug him. You hug him and cry your eyes out. You remember that atleast you have your big brother. Atleast you have Ty. Thats something to stay alive for, right?

* * *

><p>"Sorry Rocks, but me and Deuce have a date for tonight." Ty said longingly. He hated the fact that people accepted him more then Rocky. But Ty was bisexual, Rocky was full lesbian. It was sad it had to be this way, but no one said this world was fair.<p>

"Oh, well go then, I can just watch a movie or something." You say in a low voice. You were honestly affraid of what might happen if you were left alone. You could end up dead by the time anyone found you.

"Maybe I could tell Deuce to come over." Ty said quickly. You want him to stay, but you've been enough of a burden to him. He should be able to go out and have fun.

"No, I don't wanna end up being the third wheel." Last time you were with Ty and a date, you ended up getting sick and puking everywhere. Ty doesn't deserve that, and you know that.

"But-"

"Ty go have fun with Deuce, I want you to be happy." You cut him off, trying to convince him. You even give a smile. Its obvious that your dieing, but you know him well enough to fake it.

"A-ight, see ya Rocky road." He says, relenting to your act. You give him a hug before he leaves, earning a smile. You see that dimpled smile and you remeber that there is one person that would care if you died right now. He leaves and you remember the show starts soon. But CeCe will be there and she doesn't want you around anymore.

_"Stay out of my life and quit looking at me like some lovesick puppy."_ You hear her words loud and clear. Its like some kinda sadistic mental poetry. It makes you wanna die, it makes you wanna cut again. You walk into your room, turning on your T.V. It was one minute til the show started.

_"Hello ladies and gentleman I'm Gary Wilde here to tell you Shake it up Chicago starts in one minute. Today we'll be starting the show off with dancer CeCe Jones!"_ You hear Gary shout into the mic. It makes you wanna do this even quicker. You couldn't handle seeing her face, so you walk over to your closet, grabbing the knife you had. You've had it ever since the first time she had told you she hated you. It had been calling you, shouting for you.

"Its time for Shake it up Chicago!" You take the knife stabbing yourself in the chest. You hear Gary's voice giving you odd news, as you pull the knife out, collapsing.

"It seems Miss Jones isn't here at the moment, so instead we have an early performance by ABDC winners... I aM mE!" You hear before things get blurry. You even start to hear footsteps. Maybe it was Ty coming to check on you again.

"Rocky..." Wait...you know that voice. It makes your heart flutter, before you completely pass out. You feel arms around you. You even hear slight sobbing. Time goes by slowly and everythings hazy over the sirens in the back. After what felt like an eternity, you wake up. Your head is pounding and you feel weak, pain shooting through your torso from the stab.

"Rocky, please wake up." That voice again. It hurt so much, yet it felt so good. It was her voice. Why is she even here? She just wants you to wake up so she can make suicide jokes and make your life suck even more.

"Rocky I'm sorry, it was my fault, _I love you_, just wake up please!" The warm arms wrap around you again, and you feel the most alive you've ever felt in awhile. You even flinch to her touch, making her break away.

"Rocky?" She asks and you start to feel a little movement in your arms. You reach around, grabbing for her hand, holding it in yours. You hear her start to cry. You open your eyes a little to see, her face. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, her eyes puffy and red. She even had bags under her eyes.

"Rocky, say something please!" She gets close, noticing your open eyes. She looks at you, waiting for something, but you just stare shocked at her. She gives a knowing glance. You don't even know whats going on anymore. She hates you, she wanted you dead. Why has she been crying and telling you how much she loves you?

"Rocky, I know you don't believe me, but..." Her lips linger over yours, making you shiver. You see her eyes flutter close, and she presses her lips against yours. She cups your cheeks pulling you closer. It feels so good, but you don't kiss her back. She tries licking your bottom lip, but you remember something, something important.

_"Don't ever kiss me again. I just finished puking from when you planted one on me."_ That gives you the strength to push her back. She looks shocked, her eyes wide. You almost feel like crying. Did she pity you now?

"CeCe, if your just pitying me and doing this because you feel bad-"

"No, I don't pity you, I love you." She pulls her sleeve up, showing a bandage around her arm. You give her an odd look. Did she trip on the way here or something?

"Look, I think maybe you should go. You didn't have to do all that, cause I know its bad for your image. You can go hang out with Candy and the other cheerleaders now." You tell her, with a small smile, turning around. You didn't wanna watch her leave.

"Rocky, I wanna be here, with you." Her voice sounded confused. She was probably just mad that her pity trick didn't work.

"Just go, I don't want things to be anymore difficult for you." You turn back around, waving her away. You see worry build up in her eyes. It confuses you, but you know its fake.

"I'm sorry Rocky, what do I have to do to make you believe me?" She's right infront of you now, pleading. She hates you Rocky don't give in. She's just gonna leave you the second she's done with you.

"I can't trust you at all anymore, you left me..." You say in a monotone voice. It was so hard to listen to anything she said without thinking it was a lie.

"I'm here now!"

"I still feel alone, I thought we'd stay together no matter what...you promised."

"I know I messed up, but I can fix this!"

"Just go CeCe." You conclude. You see her sigh and walk slowly towards the door, not looking back. You turn around, hoping you'll fall asleep. You here the door open and close, hearing more footsteps.

"Rocks, you awake?" You reconize this voice too. You hope he's not too mad at you for what you almost did. You look at him and see shock all over his face.

"Ty?" You give him an odd look, seeing him stare at you oddly. He looks back at the door, mumbling something you didn't hear.

"Yea, what was wrong with CeCe?" Ty pointed back in her direction. Ty had seen her leave. She just left, with no tears or anything.

"Why do you care?" You were confused. Since when does Ty care about CeCe? He's the one who would hold you when she broke your heart and made you feel like shit.

"Well, I assumed you two would be making out right now." Ty gives you a confused look. You return it, blinking a few times, hoping you heard wrong.

"She doesn't love me, so why would she be making out with me?"

"Doesn't love you? Rocky from what I've seen, CeCe loves you more then you love her."

"What are you talking about?"

"You've been out for a week, and CeCe hasn't left this room since she brought you here."

"You fell for her pity trick too?" You mutter and you see, shock still written on Ty's face.

"Pity? Rocky, whats she's done is far from pity." Ty said laughing a little. You sit up, for things were going too fast.

"Wait, start from the begining." You tell him. He takes a deep breath, suprised that CeCe hadn't told her.

"CeCe felt bad about what she said, so she ran to your room. I saw her running inside after I left and she told me what she planned on doing. She went inside and found you, bleeding from your chest with a drenched knife next to you, so she took her shirt off and wrapped it around you to stop you from losing too much blood." He starts and you blush at the way she had found you and the fact she was shirtless. You give him a look, telling him to continue.

"She called 911 and me, rode with you in the ambulence and gave you blood. She's barely eaten or drunk anything without someone bringing it in here. I don't think she's slept, or stoped her crying. She hasn't danced on the show either. She hasn't left this room or your side, beside when they did emergency surgury on the wound." Ty paused and you notice the bandage around your torso. You take in every word and feel even worse. She wasn't lieing. She actually loves you. But something still felt odd.

"I think she hates herself more then you thought she hated you. I can't believe she even left the room, honestly. Everyone else whose tried to make her leave got screamed at or kicked...Deuce learned that the hard way. And why aren't you going after your girl?" Ty concluded, giving you an smile. You smile at him a little. You knew how hard CeCe could kick, so Deuce was most likely in a room near you.

"Ty I completely rejected her and told her to leave. I didn't think she meant it when she told me how much she loved me." You try to explain. CeCe probably didn't wanna talk. It would be best if you didn't even try. She definately hates you now.

"I still don't trust her that much either, and if she hurts you again there will be concequences. But it can't hurt to try." Ty stated, giving you another smile. You get out of bed slowly, giving him a hug. Maybe it is best to try.

"I love you Ty." You whisper, before running down the right side of the hallway, slightly holding your chest in pain. Yea it hurt, but she was worth it.

"Rocky?" You hear Ty call your name once more and you turn to face him.

"Yea?" You ask, giving him a confused look. He just rubs the back of his head, not facing you.

"She ran that way...and your butt's showing." He points to the left hallway, and you notice an open door. You also feel wind hitting your backside.

"Oh." You mutter and you tie up the back of the hospital gown, heading through the door. As you keep walking, you notice a flight of stairs leading to the roof. She had probably went up there to think. You start climbing, feeling the aftermath of the wound, the pain stinging through your chest, as you climb the first two flights of stairs. By the third, you had reached another door, leading to the roof. It was cracked already, small drifts of wind seeping through. The first thing you see when opening the door is a girl, curled up by the edge of the roof top, shivering. You notice her red eyes and hair and you know its her. It was dark out, but you know it was her.

"CeCe." You call out to her, walking towards her. She looks up at you getting up imediately. She runs for you, going for a soft hug. You feel her hand run down your chest, causing you to blush. She leaves her hand stationary where the wound is as she looks up at you, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"CeCe, I...are you ok?" You ask her, whiping the tears away. She eyes you oddly, holding your hand to her cheek. You notice how her eyes bounce in the moonlight, even though she had been crying. Her hair shared a simaliar glimmer, when you slowly push a piece from her face.

"You shouldn't be worried about me, its my fault we're in this position in the first place." She muttered, rubbing the wound. You sigh at the peace it brought you. It stung, but her touch was enough to take most of the pain away.

"I forgive you." You tell her, seeing her pause. Her look was unreadable at first by your eyes. She stares at you, confused.

"W-what?" She asks, blinking a few times. She looks as if she wants to hug you, but instead she backs up a little.

"I forgive you...and I love you. Plus, someones gotta put up with you." You step closer, hugging her. Her body feels warm against yours, sending your heart beat into hyper drive. You can feel hers beating against yours. It was like an odd drum solo, beating fast, but still creating somewhat of a pattern.

"Why the sudden change of heart?" She whispers against your neck. She was still shorter then you, so she only reached the crook of your neck.

"I should be asking you the same thing." You reply, feeling her shift. She lets go, sitting down next to the door. She sighs patting a seat next to her. As you sit you feel the air start to hit. She takes a deep breath before starting.

"When you told me you were gay, I got scared. I saw how you were looking at me when you said it. I felt the same exact way. I loved you, but I just couldn't except myself, cause I thought I wasn't good enough." She starts, not even looking at you. You give her a sympathetic look, making her face you.

"But you are good enough! You could have talked to me, instead of calling me a dyked out freak." You tell her, smiling a little to ease the tention. She doesn't return it, but another tear rolls down her cheek.

"I'm sorry, I had to make you hate me. I thought if you hated me, I could convince myself to hate you too. I only ended up hating myself even more. So I joined up with Candy, someone perfect and straight." She starts up again, and you wrap your arms around her. She notices your shivering from the cold and she quickly takes her jacket off, wraping it around you.

"Thanks." You mutter quickly, giving another small smile. She tries her best to return it, and you give he a look telling her to continue.

"Then I started picking on you hoping you would tell me how much you hated me. But you just kept giving me those longing glances, and big brown puppy dog eyes, that made things even harder. Then you kissed me and all the straight practice did a suicide dive out the window." She pauses and you hear her voice starting to break.

"So, I came to your place, to get some of the tention out. I blamed you for all the wrong reasons. I didn't want you to die, I wanted you alive with me. I loved it when you looked at me like a lovesick puppy. When you kissed me my lips were tingling for hours, heck they were when I was talking to you. When you cried I wanted to kiss you and hold you until you stoped."

"And you couldn't of told me this sooner?"

"You have no idea how many times I had wished I could take it back. When I left I had no idea you'd hurt yourself. I didn't know you would try to kill yourself. I didn't know you loved me that much. I don't deserve you and I don't know why I even tried or why your forgiving me." She started to cry again, running a hand over the cuts on your wrist, then taking another look at the wound. You sigh and kiss her cheek.

"Even though your a complete bitch and I should throat sock you right now...I love you." You whisper, seeing her smile a little.

"I love you too." You see her start to lean in, her lips puckered. You want to kiss her so bad it hurt, but its probably not the best idea, to do any of this now. You back away, causing her to pause.

"I'm not aloud to kiss you...am I?" She whispers looking down at the ground. You wanna kiss her more then she wants to kiss you, but you had a different idea.

"No, I'm gonna make you wait for it, as if we were never friends, or in love." You tell her, and she eyes you oddly for a second, and you see her wheels turning, trying to process.

"So, we're starting over?" She asks and you nod. A moment of silence passes, before you hold out your hand. She eyes it, raising an eyebrow.

"Hi, my names Raquel, but I prefer you call me Rocky." You say, giving a smile. She stares for a couple of seconds, before returning your smile, shaking your hand.

"Hey, my names Cecelia, but you can call me CeCe." She says, confident as she was when you first met her. Back when you were still in diapers, confidence radiated from her.

"Great, I don't know many attractive red heads." You flirt a little. You honestly couldn't help yourself. She was way to hot to not still flirt, even if you were still kinda mad at her.

"And I never realized how adorable someone could possibly be." She replied, winking. You blush, biting your bottom lip. Her hand finds the wound again, rubbing it. You almost moan a little, from the way her hand touched you so carefully.

"I see your injured, hows about this attractive red head plays doctor?" She asks, giving her flirty face. You blush a bit, seeing her confidence come back. It had been so long since she had been close to you.

"Nice try, but I think I'll do a little self healing." You say, slowly removing her hand from your torso. She sighs, standing up.

"Right, why don't we get you back to your hospital bed." She holds her hand up and you take it, feeling a bit of a pain in your chest. She notices it right away, worry covering her face.

"I'm okay, lets go." You stand up also, dusting yourself off. She wraps her arms around you, trying to pick you up.

"Here, let me carry you." She whispers, picking you up bridal style. You eye her oddly at how easy she picked you up.

"Since when do you have any muscle?"

"Theres a lot of stuff I gained in our time apart." She mutters, as she goes through the door.

* * *

><p>"Well, see ya." You say quietly. You were in your hospital bed and she had laid you here, now sitting at your bedside. Her eyes went wide with confusion.<p>

"What are talking about?" She asks, shrugging. You remember what Ty had told you earlier. She hadn't left your room in weeks.

"Its like 9:00, shouldn't you be heading home?" You ask again. You wanna see how much you can trust her. You wanted to here her tell you what Ty said herself.

"Oh, uh I think it would be best if I stayed here." Her wording tripped a little. Your suspition grows and you know she can see it too. She looked faint, her paleness more apparent.

"CeCe, are you ok?" You notice that she looks weak also. You hear a slight rumble. Her stomach was growling. She probably hasn't eaten in awhile. You haven't even eaten in awhile.

"I'm fine, its just-"

"You haven't eaten in awhile, have you?" You cut her off. Even though you shoudn't care, cause you were still kinda mad, the fact that she's eaten less then you have worries you.

"No..." She whispers, looking at the ground.

"CeCe!"

"How could I eat when you were laying here like a corpse?"

"You haven't slept either, Ty told me, but I didn't think you'd be at this point."

"I didn't wanna leave you, casue you could've woken up and if I wasn't here, because I was sleeping or something-"

"CeCe, go home, and if not, then please eat." You plead, placing a hand on her shoulder. You hated the fact you had to cause all of this. If you'd never come out, this could have been avoided.

"I'll tell my mom to bring something, or I could go home if you want." She says in a low voice. Even in these dull hospital lights, you could still admire how light bounces in her hair. She looked so adorable, even when she was a little nervous. She took out her phone typing a message then quickly putting it back. She was most likely texting her mother.

"Whens the last time you've even gone home?" You ask breaking from your thoughts. You see her imediately perk up, answering you quickly.

"Yesterday." She says, not a flaw in her voice. She was such a good lier it killed you. It almost did.

"Whens the last time you've slept?"

"Last night."

"Why do you have bags under your eyes?"

"I woke up early to come see you." She lied to you flawlessly. It suprised you that she would even lie.

"Why do you keep lying?" You look at her annoyed. She looks at you confused, but still keeping her composure.

"Excuse me?" She asks, trying to sound offended. You give her a I-want-the-truth-no-bullshit look.

"Ty told me everything." You say, raising an eyebrow. You can see tears start to build up in her eyes, before she begins her rambling.

"Look, I didn't want you to worry about me, cause this is mostly my fault, and I thought you were gonna die, my horoscope said I would lose a loved one-" You cut her off, bringing your lips to hers. It was meant to stop her rambling, but it ended up being your first real kiss. She kissed you back, and you kissed her, everthing thats happend, being poured out. It felt so good, yet it still kinda hurt. You pull away, seeing her face was flushed and her breathing had sped up. She looks at your lips, wanting to kiss you again. You obliged, bringing her lips to yours again. She ended up ontop of you, her tongue tracing your lips, before biting the bottom. Her tongue finds yours, battling with it. You could taste her strawberry lipgloss. Eventually, you pull away once more for air, feeling her hot breath, against your lips.

"I thought I was cut off?" She whispers against your lips. You grunt making her get up. Having her on top of you was one of the best feelings in the world, but she was pressed against your wound.

"You'll stay cut off, if you pass out from exaustion and malnutrition." You say giving a small smile. Your breathing was starting to slow, your lips still tingling from the makeout that had just taken place. You notice her staring at her phone, as you talked. She licks her lips, biting the bottom as she stared at the screen before answering. Not that you were paying attention much after that.

"I have no idea what that means, but my moms outside right now and I'm gonna get dinner." She says returning your smile. Even without much makeup on, you notice how attractive she still was.

"Bye." You say, yawning. You were tired, but also hungry. You'd probably eat tomorrow.

"Don't worry, I won't be long, I told her to bring you something too." She says, the hospital door opened. You notice how reluctant she was to leave, but hunger was getting the best of her.

"Good, I'm starving." You say, strecting. She leaves through the door. Then she suddenly turns, looking nervous again.

"Hey Rocky?"

"Yea?"

"I love you."

"Love you too." You answer seeing confidence fill her face again. It was still odd knowing you had that effect on her. She slowly closes the door, giving you a longing glance. You thought about a lot of things, your head and heartbeat racing. You could still feel her lips on yours. They tingled with the taste of her lipgloss as you lick your lips. You think about how so much has changed. CeCe had went from hating you, to taking every opprotunity to kiss you. Something still felt wrong. Something was still telling you not to trust her. You don't know what it was, nor did you have time to think, for CeCe had come back, bag in hand.

"I'm back, with a salad for the patient." She hands you a container, filled with the green food. You notice she had a salad also, eating slowly. You take your first bite, happy you can finally eat something. You were even happier seeing her eat. As you finish your salad, you watch as she pulls out something else from the bag she carried food in. It was a ice cream sundae.

"You want some?" She asks, a spoon in hand. You eye it for a sec, seeing the sugestive look on her face.

"Yea..." You whisper and she removes the top from the container. She crawls in bed next to you, eating a spoonful. You notice how her tongue lingered over the spoon, before bubble gum pink lips engulfed it. She even closed her eyes for effect.

"Mmm." She softly moans onto the spoon. She slowly takes it out, eyes now locked on you. Your jaw was dropped and your cheeks were most likely a dark shade of red. She gets another spoonful, offering it to you. Her smile and confidence had definately returned. You think she had touched up her makeup also, for the bags under her eyes were almost gone and her lipgloss glimmered. She gives you an odd look noticing you've lost focus.

"Did I come off too strong?" She asks, putting the spoon back down. Her look was fulled with worry, and you give her a comforting smile.

"No, I just lost my train of thought for a sec." You say picking the spoon up, eating some. She smiles at you, tilting her head.

"Why are you so uptight about this, I thought this is what you wanted." She asks confused. You still felt like you couldn't trust her. You wanted to kiss her and be with her, but it still hurt.

"It is, but...I can't." You mutter, looking away. She puts the icecream away, giving you the same confused glance.

"You can't?"

"If I let you love me...will you be here for me?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I, cause I do love you."

"I know, but something just doesn't feel right."

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?"

"I don't know." You conclude, ending the conversation. You sat in silenece, looking at her. You feel like you don't know her anymore. You feel like she doesn't know you anymore. But you do know that she feels the same, staring into your eyes also.

"Did the docter come in at all?" She asks, breaking the silence. You think for a sec, remembering you hadn't seen any doctors at all today.

"I haven't seen any." You answer, sighing. She strecthes, yawning.

"One should be coming in soon, telling you to sleep." She replies casually. She'd been here for weeks, this was probably a routine for her.

"Has anyone said when I could leave?" You ask, fearing the answear. You don't remember feeling anything after you passed out. You don't even remember grabbing the knife.

"They should be changing the bandages tomorrow, so however things look is how long you'll be here." She says, and you can tell she was struggling to keep a strait face. Your suicide atempt seemed to hurt her more then you.

"Did you see how it looked last time?" You ask, choosing your wording carefully. You haven't even seen it yet, let along when you first got it. You fould only imagine the blood and pain that was there when you first stabbed yourself.

"Yea...you should be leaving soon compared to what I saw when I found you." She says her voice breaking. You wanted to ask more, but you didn't wanna make this anymore difficult. This was your own fault, for taking things farther then they needed to go. Even though you have every right to blame her, you can't find it in your heart to be mad. You still didn't trust her, but you weren't completely mad.

"I'm sorry about your shirt." You say, trying to break the silence. She looks at you, giving another confused smile.

"You shouldn't be apologizing for bleeding, I should be apologizing for making you bleed." She says, running her fingers along the scars on your arm. You poke the arm she gave blood out of, giving a smile.

"You gave up your chance at a spot light dance." You reply. She sighs, kissing your cheek.

"Whats the point of dancing when I don't have your cute little butt moving right next to mine?" She asks, giving your butt a tiny squeeze. A blush rises up on your cheeks from her forwardness. You were almost desprate to change the subject.

"What about Candy and the others?" You ask, trying to keep things from going to far. She bit her bottom lip, looking away.

"They don't even know I'm here. They think I'm at my grandma's for her funeral." She answears truthfully. Atleast she was actually telling he truth for once.

"So they don't know that you've kissed me again, grabbed my butt, or that your sleeping with me tonight?"

"No, but they, don't matter...you do." She leans in to kiss you again. Her lips inches away from yours, her hot breath intoxicating.

"I'm gonna sleep now." You quickly get out, turning around. You even close your eyes, hoping she'll believe you.

"Me too, I guess." She sighs, relenting. You smile at her atempt to kiss you. You aren't kissing her again until you become best friends again. It would be way too fast if you tried to start a realationship with her this fast. You turn around, peeking at her, finding she was fast asleep. Watching her sleep made you realize why Edward Cullen does it. She looked so peaceful and cute sleeping, you wanted to stay up all night just to watch her. You were tired yourself, so it made it almost impossible to keep your eyes open any longer, as you also fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Waking up next to CeCe was almost as good as kissing her. You notice a nurse in your room now, holding some gauzes and ointment. CeCe shifts next to you, her eyes opening. She eyes the nurse, a angry look on her face. You look at the nurse, noticing how young she looked.<p>

"Oh, I see your awake. My names Gwen." She held out a hand. She had blonde hair, green eyes and she looked quite young actually. You take her hand, shaking it. She was actually pretty cute, yet you feel like you've seen her before.

"Hey, I'm Rocky-"

"My girlfriend, by the way." CeCe interupts, giving Gwen a death glare. She just sighs, writing something down on a clipboared.

"CeCe."

"Yea?"

"You never asked me out yet."

"Oh."

"CeCe, I'm gonna need you to step over there, while I change the bandages." Gwen motioned to the chair on the side of the room. CeCe reluctantly got out of the bed, moving over to the chair. She did her makeup while keeping a close eye on Gwen. Gwen put a hand on the bottom of your hospital gown, pulling it up.

"It ok, I'm a professional." Shs says, noticing your discomfort. You look over, seeing CeCe shifting in her seat. You almost felt like laughing from how jealous she looked.

"If she's not comfortable, then you should let someone else do it." She muttered, Gwen rolling her eyes. Gwen slowly unwraped your torso, and you get your first look at the wound. It was pinkish and looked mostly healed. Their were still a few spots that looked pretty bad, that were blood stained, but other then that it didn't look that bad. Gwen pulled out a bottle and a cloth.

"You might feel a little sting." She muttered, giving a comforting smile. She poured a bit of the liquid on, befor gently rubbing the cloth on the wound. You feel imediate pain, yelping out. You wonder how the hell you didn't feel this at first and how you were out for weeks.

"See, your hurting her!"

"CeCe, for the billionth time, I'm a doctor I know what I'm doing."

"Can't you see she's in pain? Why do people I love always get hurt? Why me?"

"Do you need to go in the hallway?"

"No..."

"And besides, I'm Henry's sister, what would you expect?" Gwen says, wrapping you up again. You stare at her suprised. No wonder she looked so familiar! You wondered if everyone in Henry's family were younger and smarter then you. Except Gwen looked older, maybe 18?

"Touche." CeCe muttered, walking back over to the bed. She ran a hand over the new bandages, still giving Gwen mean glares.

"So, do you know when I'll be able to go home?" You ask, hoping it'll be soon. You've missed way too much school, and your perfect attendance was important.

"Well, you seemed to be healed, so I would say a few more days."

"Great, I-"

"But you should take this time to do all the work you missed for school."

"I love the smell of work and two days until deadline."

"I asked your mother and she said some after school therapy might be neccesary."

"And I told her that your Rocky Blue, who can handle anything and doesn't need therapy." CeCe entered the conversation, her mean glare not dieing. Gwen simply sighed.

"But CeCe here isn't a doctor and if it wasn't for the fact that she brought you here, I wouldn't let her in." Gwen replied, making CeCe cringe.

"She forgives me." CeCe muttered, crossing her arms. Gwen was in CeCe's face now, her stare cold and somewhat mean.

"And thats why she needs the therapy." She whispered, before walking out of the room. CeCe looked down at the ground, in deep thought. You blink a few times, in bewilderment. CeCe never thinks, she hates thinking.

"I'm gonna get started on this make up work." You quickly say getting out of bed. Their was a tiny desk with a stack of papers. Atleast this would make things more fun...

"Your not actually going to therapy, are you?" She asks, and you turn to face her. You see worry on her face, confidence gone once again.

"I don't know, she had a point." You shrug, turning back around, to try and focus on your work. She walks over to you, wrapping arms around your neck.

"I love you." She whispers, kissing the back of your head. You feel so alive when she tells you that, its almost like your dead. Yea, that didn't make much sense, but love never really does.

"I love you too, and why do you keep telling me that?" You ask, seeing her sit down in a chair next to you.

"Cause I know you still don't really believe me." She replies, looking at you with a small smile. She notices, you weren't smiling back, so she continued.

"Look, I know I hurt you and honestly I wish something would come and hurt me. I've even thought about cutting just to even things out. This whole thing makes me feel even more dyslexic and dumb then I did at first. Maybe thats a good thing." She finishes, her voice breaking. You just stay focused on the equations from math class.

"We'll just have to see." You mutter. As you both sit for awhile, you notice how she never moves, staying at your side. You'd guess that maybe she'd done most of her school work, from how long she's been here. She hasn't gone home, and you wonder what else she's been doing to occupy her time.

"Don't you get bored?" You ask, halfway done with most of your work. She looks up, suprised from the question.

"Huh?" She asks, cocking her head. She looked beyond cute with her head like that.

"I mean...you've been here for weeks and you haven't gone home."

"I'm ashamed to show my face around everyone."

"Ty's forgiven you."

"I tried going to school, but I just couldn't face anyone, not even Deuce, or my own brother."

"Now you know how I felt. Everyone hates you, for something you can't control. You can try to fix things as much as you want, but things will still be the same. People stare and backaway as if you have some type of diesease. You have no friends at all, a conspiracy built around you." A tear rolls down your cheek as you remember how you felt. She instinctively wrapped her arms around you, making you feel better. Maybe she actually could become yoir bestfriend again.

* * *

><p>Days past by quickly, and you found that CeCe had become your bestfriend again. Ty and Deuce came around too, Dina tagging along. You were all friends again. You even let CeCe kiss you again. Right now you were at home, the weekend now over. You had school today. Your first day back, as you were now entering through the window of your girlfriend's apartment.<p>

"Hey baby." You say, seeing her standing by the counter. She kisses your cheek, giving a smile.

"Hey." She replies, kissing your lips. It ended up being a whole makeout session, you two on the couch. You pull away, remembering why you were here.

"So...school." You mutter, seeing her look go blank.

"Yea." She says, going in to kiss you once more. You put a finger up to block her puckered lips.

"I was thinking that maybe when we walk in, we should hold hands." You suggest, seeing her smile. She kisses your neck, her breath hot against it as she whispers.

"Sure." She kisses your neck leaving wet kisses. You moan when she finds your pulse, sucking on it. A hickey was one mark that she caused that you were almost happy about. You brought her lips back to yours, kissing her passionately. She licks your bottom lip for entry, you giving it to her happily. Her soft pink tongue danced with yours, as if it was a spot light dance

"We have to go in like two minutes." You try to get up, but she was on top of you, making it almost impossible. She brings her lips to yours again, her whisper making you stay.

"I know, but your way too adorable for me to resist any longer." She continurs her attack on your lips, making you forget the fact that school was even today. You forgot a lot of things when her lips touched yours. Its like they casted some type of odd spell, pulling you in and earasing every scar you bared feom the last month. She kissed your wrist and ran a hand down your chest, apologizing for each mark in her own speacial way. The alarm you set on your watch goes off, making your eyes snap open.

"Oh god, we gotta go!" You push the red head off, speeding through the door. You come back in the room to collet your backpack and help up the confused girl. Sure you love kissing her, but you also love your perfect attendance. It had been way too long since you smelled the scent of fresh paper and heard the desperate pleas of others, who want to copy your homework.

* * *

><p>You take a look at the entrance, the cool Chicago air hitting you. You feel her warm hand intertwined with yours and you know you can do this. Fuck Candy Cho. She doesn't matter right now. All that matters is the girl standing next to you.<p>

"Ok, here we go." You mutter, walking in. Their were whispers and even a few approving glances. Its amazing how holding someone's hand has this type of effect on people around you. You make it to your locker, opening it. So far their was no Candy in sight, but CeCe's uneasy look told you otherwise.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the fag." You hear, blood now boiling. It was Candy, it had to be. Who else had such a high, annoying voice? Besides Snooki.

"What do you want Candy?" You ask, feeling the energy shift around you. You can hear CeCe's heart beating faster, her tense composure, obvious without any words. Candy just simply smiled at you, making you even more angry. She would be one of the only people you would laugh at on _'1000 Ways To Die'._

"Nothing, just thought I'd welcome you back, but it looks like Ceece here beat me to it." She replies, and you were sure CeCe had stopped breathing. You felt the world stop for a sec. You had no idea, what would happen with that comment. Yea, you forgave CeCe, but did she truely love you enough to stand up to Candy and tell the truth.

"Uh, yea...welcome back freak." CeCe said halfheartedly. But you weren't paying attention to that, for your heart had stopped beating. You turn to face her, seeing an odd smile on her face. You knew you couldn't trust her. She looked down at the ground, you giving her a confused look.

"Aww, I think she might cry, no...she might go try to kill here self by O.D.-ing on the disgusting cafeteria food!" Candy laughs and the other cheer freaks laugh with her. Even CeCe gave a small laugh. You felt like everything that had happend the past month had all been lies. From your first kiss all the way up to the last time you held her hand, moments ago.

"I'll meet up with you later, ok Candy cane?" CeCe, said quickly, taking notice to the tear rolling down your cheek. Candy cane? You might just throw up in your mouth a little.

"Sure!" The cheer freaks walk off. CeCe tried touching you, but you jerk away. She eyes you oddly and you return the stare, wondering what was going on today.

"Their just joking Rocks, don't let it get to you." She tried to convince you. Dpn't let it get to you? You almost felt like punching her.

"You called me a freak." You mutter, becoming more angry. She just kept a wavering smile, trying to make things better. Not like it was working at all.

"I was just playing, you know...a joke." This was a joke? Everything was so fucking funny when your making someone feel like a dumbass, wasn't it? It was so funny when someones already wounded heart gets battered even more. The cracks in the mirrior of truth became more apparent. You end up actually punching her..._hard_.

"You wanna joke? Well hows this...this fag freak is breaking up with you." You say in a low tone. You wouldn't wanna ruin her 'rep' anymore, by having someone here you. She holds her face in pain a few tears coming out. You don't know if it was from the punch, or that someone like you just broke up with her.

"Rocky-"

"Oh, now I'm Rocky?"

"Rocks, babe you know I didn't mean it."

"Shh, don't let anyone hear you call me babe out loud." You mutter, running off. Babe. She called you babe. You weren't here babe. She just wanted to lure you in with lies so she could break your heart. You didn't even need a knife, for you were dead by the time you made it to the girls bathroom stall, crying your eyes out. You should have known better. You shouldn't have trusted her. _Thats what you get when you let your heart win._ Yea, you were even quoting Paramore songs to vent. The door opens, chattering entering along with the people.

"Haha, I bet CeCe broke the poor homo's heart." You reconized that voice. It was another one of the cheerfreaks. Looking through the crack in the stall door, you only see Candy and one of the newbies in cheerleading. You think her name was Jenny, maybe Jessica?

"Yea, she's probably off somewhere trying to kill herself for attention." Candy replies, looking in the mirrior and adjusting her makeup. Someone barges in, red hair visible, your heart taking off like a criminal. It was _her._

"Hey Ce, you ready for cheer practice later!"

"Fuck you."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I said fuck you, you homophobic, preppy bitch!" CeCe shouted, pointing a finger at them. This was honestly the most romantic thing she had done all day. Too bad you'd never tell her that, for your still pissed at her.

"Are you letting the guilt get to you?" Candy asks, placing a hand on her hip. You could see a a confused, smile on CeCe's face. Things seemed to be heating up.

"Guilt?"

"She tried to kill herself, your just going through the guilt trip, and don't try to tell me you actually like that freak. God wouldn't aprove." Oh, here we we go with the religous shit. Atheism is looking pretty good right about now. CeCe gives a look you couldn't read.

"I don't feel guilty." She mutters, looking down at the ground. You noticed how odd she sounded. You had thought she felt guilty at first, but apparently she's as cold hearted as the rest of them.

"CeCe-"

"No. I love her. My heart beats faster when I see her. I can't help, but get nervous when I talk to her. I'm in love with her. I felt like I wanted to die when I saw her laying in the hospital." She was crying now. Candy gasped, the other girl following her lead. Your heart even skipped a beat. You were even more confused then when you woke up in the hospital.

"Yea, I was with Rocky all that time, not my grandma. I never left her side, cause I care about her. She cared about me too, before I blew it. I lost my bff, my girlfriend, because I listened to you, and your homophobic, religous, bullshit!" You tell 'em CeCe. Your gonna have to forgive her again, when their conversation is over.

"You'll burn in hell along with her." Candy gave CeCe a mean look. You felt like jumping out of this stall and throat socking her after that comment.

"This fag will see you there." CeCe said her coice not wavering. You were crying now, tears streaming down your face. Candy and the other girl left, giving mean looks as they departed. You open the stall door, her face going red, seeing you standing there.

"Rocky!" She grabs you, hugging you. It was so odd that even when you wanted to die a simple hug from her made everthing better. You pull apart only to ask one simple question. It was so simple, yet things always ended up being hard.

"Did you really mean that?" You ask, holding her hand. She looks at you, feeling pretty confident once again.

"Yea...I did." She whispers, almost like she was telling herself this for the first time

"Then kiss me." You ask, seeing her lean in. You wanted to kiss her, but you had more then this planned. You wanted to make this official.

"Not here." You whisper against her lips, taking her outside the restroom, hand in hand. You whisper something in her ear and she nods. She takes a deep breath before shouting.

"HEY EVERYONE GUESS WHAT!" All heads turn, Deuce and Ty looking as well. Even Günther and Tinka turned to listen. Candy stared over, crossing her arms and giving you both mean glances. CeCe took another breath.

"Me, CeCe Jones, is madly in love with my girlfriend, Rocky Blue." She states, kissing you. Their were some applause, and some gasps of suprise, but all you cared about was CeCe's pinapple lipgloss. When you break apart, Ty hugs you both.

"Finally." He muttered, Deuce and Dina nodding. Candy stomped her foot, walking off. Their was still one more important thing you had to get out. It was simple, but it was still pretty important to this whole thing.

"CeCe?"

"Yea?"

"You never asked me out again." She smiles at you kissing you. Thats all you really needed honestly, cause her lips could tell you everything, and anything. Too bad this story can't completely end here. No...theres much more to come...but thats a different story.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: That took awhile to right, but it also went by pretty quickly. Please forgive any mistakes I made, cause I only looked over it a couple of times. I don't think this is very good, but someting was telling me to post it. Even though this first part is like 10,000 words, the longest SIU oneshot that I've seen, I still think I rushed a bit XD but I'm crazy like that.**

**One more thing, tell me your favorite line from the story, cause I'm honestly curious. I'm gonna go now. :)**


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